My blog

JC

2011-01-19T21:56:00.003+08:00

JC. passed.

wonderful talk with someone I have misunderstood so much. I regret my ignorance, meanness, dismissal of this person. Gossip can warp perceptions.. I should have known better.

I felt vindicated as well.

And there will be still a group of us in class. We'll be good friends. Better than ever.

Frankly, I thought I would be filled with regrets at the missed opportunities. In retrospect, I'm not. Where I have failed, I learnt. Where I have achieved, I reflected. All the time, my faith strengthens, and I finally realised that nothing matters but God.

It's a new birth.

the now.

2010-02-09T23:50:00.002+08:00

let he be ok.

there's nothing that can be done but wait and see.

this year's special, i know it

the riot of colours, splashed

across pen and sword

the balance

will come.

and unprecedented understanding and peace

to friends

to family

to the world

my wishes

my hope

my resolution

happy chinese new year, whoever who even sees this :)

Life (emo post)

2009-10-08T23:59:00.004+08:00

Ohmy.

I just realised that I haven't posted for months and months and months. This seems dead; but is it?

Beatles is simply wonderful. Can't say it's genius, but definitely close to heart.

This should be played in my funeral or something, if it is to come. Good way to sum up life. Not that I'm morbid or anything, but it's really about the close bonds, the relationships that we'll treasure at the end.

In My Life

The Beatles

Rubber Soul

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Long time no post

2009-07-18T23:16:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I've posted on this blog... Lots happened; a wave of events, of decisions made right and wrong, of fun and excitement, to that of the doldrums and despair. June holidays have been both wasting time doing nothing in particular and studying and going for astro competition (project round hahaha). July so far has been a period of reflection, turning to religion, and making one of the most understanding friends I've ever known. Talking more, learning more, sleeping less, groaning less. I guess blogs are now less popular now; tweeter, facebook (endorsed by fong) have taken the centrestage. But I ultimately would like to keep posting on blogs... true, it might be "exhibitionist", but at least it records snippets and snippets of my memory... something which may or may not stand the test of time.

stargazing at night

2009-06-02T00:21:00.003+08:00

Adding on to the list,

1. Scorpius (Antares' so yellow)
2. Ophiuchus
3. Lyra
4. Aquila
5. Hercules
6. Corona Borealis
7. Virgo (again)
8. Centaurus (again)

Thanks Daniel Lim for bringing his binoculars down... it's been a real eye-opener... We've actually seen effectively the whole Hercules with the binocs. Power man.

Thanks Aaron and Wenjie too for ACJC astrochallenge... Don't blame yourself for the 2nd place finish... if anything, it's my lack of knowledge of pic id (smiley face) that led to the result. And I'm not even sore about it.

Thanks anyway for the hard work. 1 Friday night and Saturday on planning, 1 weekend for the model building (thanks shaun ee for coming to support us too), 1 Saturday of mugging and 1st round games, another Friday night and Saturday in preparation of presentation... It's been long and hard, and you guys deserve it.

We had fun anyway... Little Fighter 2, Excalibur, shopping, eating, google chat frenzy with Wenjie posing as Aaron and Aaron as Wenjie (no guessing who the victim was, and what transpired), stomachaches, Hawker Centres, gossip, talk of JC life, other talk, Westlife, Leona Lewis, Celine Dion (yongsheng!), falsetto singing of the Prayer and other songs leading up to a sore throat the next day, sofas which could be converted to beds (but someone slept on the sofa without opening it), waking up late and procrastinating, playing with Furball (the dog), taking photos and acting lame, talking about life and ambition.

It's been a meaningful experience... I'm so glad that I've wasted so many weekends for this :)

Champion

2009-05-24T00:27:00.002+08:00

And we won. Pure and simple. No one can take that away. We came, we played, we conquered. We went back to the grounds that night, as the Old Boys treated us at the nearby place. And we marvel at what we've done. The hard work, the loss earlier in the season. But "we fought back", as Leonard'd rightly put, and that's it. That’s the beauty of it all: the sheer satisfaction of this single fact that we've beaten everyone and the odds, to emerge winners of the day.

But is it that important? It’ll maintain for months, but it'll fade into oblivion. It’s just one competition out of so so many competitions, out of so many human endeavors. Whether your side or the other side wins doesn’t matter. It’ll just be an insignificant passing remark in your entire scheme of things.

But who doesn’t like winning? I would rather win than lose. That’s why I’m guiltily happily feeling the fleeting moment of everything’s gone right.

Crossroads

2009-05-02T23:27:00.001+08:00

Disappointed.

Spent time; put in the necessary effort (hopefully); sacrificed other prospects in other CCA; sacrificed rugby; and things didn’t work right.

Here I am, again. Yet again aware that I’ve blew my chances.
Oh well.

Thanks Nigel for advising me at the start. Really appreciate it.

Thanks Zhao Yang for the advice. I’ll heed it… if I have the time.

Thanks Kevin Kwek for your consolation. (:

I wonder why people are “avoiding” me, as if not getting it is such a painful thing that mentioning it makes things worse. Talk about it if you are a friend; there’s really nothing wrong about discussing. It has been cast in stone already; might as well tell me how I can do better the next time round.

I am learning. I am moving on.

I’ll end off with this video, which represents the best frame of mind I can have, that of acceptance and doing my best.

2009-04-19T20:12:00.003+08:00

2009 Speak Mandarin Campaign 华文谁怕谁. Better than previous years. “只见闪闪的星星，蓝蓝的天”lols!!! :)

Council

2009-03-31T20:31:00.002+08:00

Amidst the clutter of council merchandise, tactics, tissues, posters, large "billboards", pleas, take a step back. I'm telling you not to get carried away by the glaring campaign messages and sloppy taglines. Take a short break from all these gimmicks staring you in the face. And think. Who exactly will you vote for? Only approximately half will eventually make it to council. You wouldn't want to see someone who'll make such a good councillor not make the cut.

Offhand I can think of a few names. In no particular order and by no means exhaustive:
1. Aaron Tiong
2. Li Yan
3. Lim Fang Yi
4. Long Chuan
5. Joshua Tung
6. Jun Sheng
7. Yushi
8. Jocelyn
9. Jeremy Sia
10. Hui Yao
11. Alison
12. Yong En
13. Marcus Teo

These people deserve to be in. They've demonstrated great leadership. They're friendly and approachable, enthusiastic about school, and want to make major contributions to the student body.

You can choose not to vote these people I've endorsed. But you must think hard. Yes, council IS overhyped. But better to vote people than to waste votes on gimmicks.

Aaron's house

2009-03-28T01:38:00.002+08:00

Aaron and Wenjie are mad. They do crazy things. They play LF2 and Sol Calibur for at least 2 hours. They take turns to disturb people on msn, posing as one another by using the other's email address. They do basic research at a very very fast pace; Wenjie has a very good memory, while Aaron has very good mnemonic cum memorisation techniques.

(In the above paragraph, I am referring to Aaron and Wenjie as "them" instead of us. I am trying to distance myself from their madness so as to appear perfectly rational.)

I joined them. We are mad.

fun

2009-03-26T20:36:00.003+08:00

Nice video; apparently from NFL... but these guys sound like despo players scrambling to be picked for national team. but it's all 4 fun anyways.

informalising

2009-03-25T22:33:00.002+08:00

ben ooi (the charmer) n many other guys say my blog too boring n essayish. rly? i've always been talking abt trivial stuff 1 thing or another; just dat i've frased it in such a way dat seems intelligent... but no; it's not intelligent; it's abt my life. it's mundane, sometimes fun, sometimes not. if i ever sound essayish to u, i'm sorry n i'm incoherent.

yes, math/ physics/ chem/ bio/ lit/ cl lit/ hist/ geog/ econs/ gp/ ki/ pw/ china studies/ french/ german/ japanese/ malay etc can be tough, sickening, and deserving of hate. but dat's not what i tink. i like my pcme subject combi. so de blog won't be filled with such complains which like characterise a blog so much.

conflicts. turmoil in emotions. mood swings from happy to sad to angry to hungry to tired to awake to bored to happy to sad to... u get de drift. i don't dwell on those. when i go to de net, facebook, email, wikipedia's in order; i'm in my self-contained ideal cyber-environment... in de 1st place, i don encounter this often; n in de 2nd place the net is too fun n mood-stabilising... it's almost impossible to get worked out arnd here.

reference gaby (again): a blog's either 4 info or 4 vanity. 'vanity' has bad connotations; but yes, this blog's mainly me, myself, and i. just like other blogs. even if this blog's boring, it can't be more boring than any other blogs, which makes it, on the scale of blogs, interesting.

ok, grammer part true... i may be too pedantic. but u can be gramaticaly corect n hav a damn good blog (yes referring to hobbit n noogeroo).

in any case, this (b***hy) post proves u wrong dudes. :)

sports

2009-03-18T23:52:00.004+08:00

Gaby’s blog just too imba… koped this from him:
The 20 things I love about sports

1. The silence before the storm.
2. The lust for competition.
3. The art of balance.
4. The cool of skaters.
5. The furrowed hero.
6. The face of battle.
7. The passion of the insane.
8. The Swiss at stylish work.
9. The unveiling of greatness.
10. The music of competition.
11. The element of surprise.
12. The moment of promise.
13. The revealing of character.
14. The smell of history.
15. The hero on the hunt.
16. The possibility of redemption.
17. The Tiger giving stick.
18. The chase for glory.
19. The glue of worship.
20. The slice of luck.

This sums it all: art, style, skill, strategy (thought), blind passion, excitement, competition, heroism, determination, anticipation, luck, fun, history, human spirit, human nature.

Let me add a few more to the list:
21. Physical pain/ strain =pleasure in the mind. You feel good after sports- "Pleasure" hormones like dopamine permeates throughout (That's why sportmen face withdrawal symptoms when they quit sport). You ache everywhere. Yet you know that you've played as hard as you could; you are satisfied with your performance; you can rest well. You feel pain. The rational mind says ouch but the bigger masochist says awww, that's wonderful.

22. Health. Self explanatory.

23. The fights: occasional brawls, a flurry of muscular arms and legs, a lost of control, a wave of emotions, the descend to the realm of ruffians... pure entertainment, but don't try this at home.

24. The blunders: A rugby player knocking on (dropping the ball) just before reaching the tryline with no one in sight, baseball player missing a catch, Beckham missing a penalty... players being tricked, being blur as a sotong, performing badly. Unfortunate? maybe. Deserve it? Maybe. Nevertheless, you watch compilations of them on youtube again and again, laughing derisively at blunders you think you'll never commit.

25. Role models larger than life: sportsmen are legend. They're revered as the epitome of life: mastery, passion, determination... all in one. Of course, many aren't because of steroids or extra-sports clandestine activities.

26. The rallying point. Sports is an amazing rallying point for a school or a nation; in supporting one's own team, commonality is established, bonds are forged, cohesiveness is achieved.

27. The protocol for sports. Ideals of coorperation, brotherhood. Olympic values. No politics? Sports for sports sake. Usually, differences are at least temporarily set aside for sports itself.

I doubt this list can be exhausted. There is just so much to sports, more than what many critics can imagine or foresee. It is plain, it is repetitive, it is overhyped, but it is a perennial favorite. People watch sports again and again, some train for countless hours the same thing again and again. You've got to marvel at sports: its hype, its influence, its ability to enrapture man from time immemorial.

(Separate note: wishing you good luck in all your endeavors Zaf. Dubai is definitely a very interesting place to be in. Thanks for being such a nice og mate:))

degrees of geniuses

2009-03-06T22:06:00.002+08:00

Cornell University mathematician Mark Kac once made a well-known distinction when he describes Feynman:

"There are two kinds of geniuses: the "ordinary" and the "magicians". An ordinary genius is a fellow whom you and I would be just as good as, if we were only many times better. There is no mystery as to how his mind works. Once we understand what they've done, we feel certain that we, too, could have done it. It is different with the magicians. Even after we understand what they have done it is completely dark. Richard Feynman is a magician of the highest calibre."

To some, this distinction hits the mark. For them, the ordinary genius is an understandable genius whereas the "magician" has an unfathomable mind.

I have not gone that far. From my experience, there are 2 types of geniuses: reachable geniuses and unreachable geniuses. Reachable geniuses are people whom I can strive towards. They are role models; my best possible outcome, attainable only if I put in the extra hours, the extra effort, and possibly giving everything else up (e.g. other commitments, CCAs, interests). I may or may not be able to achieve their level of practice and mastery, but my "infrastructure" is there. I can actually become like one of them, though it is likely that I cannot achieve this eventually.

And then there're the unreachable geniuses. These geniuses are totally out of my league, way above my maximum potential. Even if I give everything up, strive to achieve what these geniuses have achieved, I can never ever do so. In terms of understanding and applying newly-learnt concepts, they require just a click or a brainwave, but I would have to mull for days on end on what the concept is about and how it is used. These people are fundamental betters; trying to catch up is futile.

It is when we recognise all these that we realise the realm of competition. When we compete against others, we only pit ourselves against reachable geniuses, not unreachable geniuses. Ignoring the rest, we try to outwit, outperform, outlast our "equals". We are only minions, clawing and gnawing amongst our puny, Laputian selves, amusing the Brobdingnagians who stand, laughing, at our over-inflated pride and contemptible character. 勾心斗角。Even if say, I win, I'm only the winner of that narrow spectrum, myopic, ignorant of the larger world, the bigger picture. This is the nature of competition.

But it is this realisation of the nature of competition that leads to the transcendence of competition. There is no more incentive to compete. Then comes the drive to enrich oneself, to have fun, to share what one has learnt. There is willingness to view the world larger than oneself, and not oneself larger than the world.

Competition fades into the background, the humdrum of the modern existence, like the constant whirr of a ceiling fan-- observable but hardly significant.

The following text has nothing to do with the above text. non sequitur.

Math soc presentation was great today. Our PTM (peer teaching module) group had 6 people, but 4 didn't come i.e. wasn't involved, leaving Ding Feng and I to scramble to find a suitable topic and present it to Math Soc in 4 days time. We contemplated doing many, many topics, but in the end, decided to do Philosophy of Math, something no one would have expected or have experience in. The presentation was smooth. Apparently no one was listening, but Ding Feng and I talked and talked, telling lame jokes, alluding to the Math pros, asking for participation in discussions. Great job Ding Feng for coming up with the powerpoint and the entire "beauty in mathematics".

Astro club had Amyas lecturing. After that I went for dinner with astro people, talked about KI with Amyas (philo of math :), sang a bit of chinese songs. Jie Liang, Daniel, Kevin and I. We were sitting around talking about random stuff. Aaron got tickets for drama feste so away he goes..

I realise that Ivan Loh is actually very nice and helpful if you ask him about Math, and if you're not deterred by his fast explanations. He didn't mind my incessant "obvious" questions, answering and rephrasing again and again until I get it. Perhaps he might be my "confidant" in Maths in the future.

sleeping now

2009-03-01T01:16:00.003+08:00

Sleeping quite late every day. There always seems to be something to do, some more to do. Today's been a long long long day. At NUS at 10 for SRP aptitude test (not so good, +studying since the night before), piano at 12+ (late), rugby match at 3 (didn't play, haiz), astro talk by Prof Jocelyn Bell at 6 (no stargazing session after that because of inclement weather, sadly). And I make lots and lots of resolutions: 1. to be able to interpret questions fast and do more physics, 2. practise more piano, 3. train myself for rugby, 4. study more astro to prep for NUS-NTU astrochallenge. I realise that I'm actually already trying to do all of this... but I guess I would have to prioritize.

I was mistaken for a person who hails from China yet again.

And Bb is top in the house standings. Impossible. Incredible.
Analysis:
1. Buckley is RI's traditional last.
2. Buckle isn't doing so well either in RGS.
therefore BB is currently top in the house standings.

Disgust and dismay for being the last in RI release the oppressed spirited fire when we reach RJ, the land of opportunities, the place with a clean slate, with a renewed hope. And here we are, top.

1. There was once when Buckley was/ is last, Buckle was last.
2. That batch of Bb-ians went to RJ
3. They won the house championships.
4.
Therefore, BB will ??? the house championships? Maybe.

Meanwhile, congrats to gaby for winning writer's guild. Told you that your writing style's stellar!!... You deserve to win (though I haven't seen your poem/ prose).

OG still very alive, meeting in school before assembly. Have mugging sessions. Do things together. You guys are great.

Random. Maybe just plain Sleepy. 前后呼应。goodnite.

The vibrancy of JC life

2009-02-22T23:41:00.006+08:00

Only 1 full week of official Junior College lessons with official timetables. And it feels like a gale—activities occurring one after another, of lessons and CCAs each in succession of one another, interspersed, confusing… more like a cranky old-fashioned car with a steamy bonnet and a choking pipe—exhaustive. Albeit fast-moving, it is paradoxically slow-moving overall: each activity passed very quickly because it was exciting and enriching, but due to the multitude of varied activities, it felt as if I’ve done so many different things throughout the week, making it the longest week ever. The transition from sec school was by no means difficult, as I finally convinced myself to keep up with the curriculum instead of lagging behind a bit to accommodate commitments for piano and rugby, then catching up in the end. This will not, and cannot happen anymore, as the curriculum is much more rigorous and compact (naturally), and that tutorials are based on lectures, and that if you lag you may never catch up in the end.

The lecture-tutorial system: a superior system to lessons. Lectures and tutorials are usually taught by different teachers, so the pace of teaching is standardized throughout the level. This is a check and balance to ensure that objectives for the week be upheld and procrastination almost impossible. This makes lessons all the more interesting as real teaching is done. So far, I’ve learnt at least a new thing per lecture/ tutorial. That is in and of itself incredible.

CCAs: the plethora of clubs which you can join is immense. Most are slack, some are not; you would just have to go for club orientations and check them out: the people, their organization and synergy. I’m hoping to contribute to some of the clubs… will reveal details later.

School activities: Interhouse activities, activities organized by council, activities organized by clubs such as law society, performances by the performing arts people, external speakers coming in for talks… almost anything under the sun. It is teetering on the edge before it overflows its confines to the label I call “too much”. But I don’t mind “too much”, though it might be too much. It just gives me more choices on how to spend my time. To all RJ people, What’s Up This Week (WUTW) would be crucial in being informed of all that is happening. Keep on the lookout and go for the best thing possible, keeping in mind the next best alternative forgone :)

Programmes: Special programmes on Monday’s protected time. Some programmes are held after school. MOE also has programmes like SRP etc for J1s, which are both a boon and a bane.

Admin matters: communication via emails is especially prevalent in JC. Any information disseminated is most likely going to your mailbox, accessible with a click of the mouse, eliminating any excuse that you might not have received it. I’m now checking and replying to mails very, very frequently. Not that it’s bad though; I get to know what is happening everywhere. I’m never at sea again.

Your OG and class: a few OGs are still active; most are descending towards a slow and painful demise as the context and excuse for outings and meetings diminishes. My OG, O’rh Horr, still meets before assembly, and we mug and talk about life. My class (CT group) eats together during common free blocks, but past the first week of lectures (aka real JC orientation), we don’t play games or go out. Planning to organize class CIP to increase bonding :)

So take heed, JC is going to be fast and furious. You’ll not be checked. You’ll pretty much be left alone, so self-motivation is important. I’m going to chart my JC life my own way. I’m going to attend many many activites and work hard for good results at the same time. What about you?

Just for laughs:

stargazing 2

2009-02-19T00:16:00.006+08:00

Dummy's guide for sure-fire sure-succeed stargazing:
step 1. Get a laptop/ tablet pc.
step 2. download and install "stellarium"
step 3. Find a day with no clouds, no haze; find a place with no/ less light, no noise (save two noisy companions of a brother and sister)
step 4. take a compass, the laptop/ tablet with "stellarium", and perhaps a mat to lie down on. Head down to that place.
step 5. using the 3d star maps of stellarium, match them to the stars you see, aligning with the north/ south poles.
step 6. bingo! you are successfully identifying stars. You've now upgraded to a true blue stargazer.

Precisely what I did. This time round, the sky was extra clear, and I added constellations after constellations into my "life list". This was what (confirmed) we saw:

(seen before and again)
1. orion
2. Gemini
3. canis major
4. Auriga

more seen today:
5. canis minor
6. Puppis
7. Vela
8. Hydra (1 star)
9. Leo
10. Lepus
11. Perseus
12. Taurus
13. ... saturn!!!

So thrilled. Really can't believe the sky today man!!!! Going to sleep now. Still have rugby tomorrow.

RSN amazing race, others

2009-02-18T00:12:00.003+08:00

Can't believe that my team actually got 2nd in Raffles Science Network (RSN) amazing race, in which we have to complete tasks at stations, get clues (anagrams) for the next station, and go to the next station to complete yet another set of tasks and so on. Joel Kek was with me as well as Nancy and Amy who are in J2. You could really tell that the race was fun because Nancy and Amy (apparently good friends and themselves voluble and loud in a huiyaoish way) were complaining incessantly amongst themselves before it started... by the time we finished the 1st station, lo and behold, they were enthusiastic about completing the next station already.

The tasks were surprisingly but thankfully relatively simple to complete. Maths Soc station was about 1. stringing a given set of numbers to obtain a specific objective number, and 2. finding the inherent flaws of the false mathematical paradoxes. Very interesting; we actually scored quite well for the first section. Medical Soc was a traditional pen-and-paper test... tikamed a lot. We had to collect items for astro's scavenger hunt, which was rather interesting. Bio Soc was a race against time as we had to answer questions to guess a word, with a letter of a secret word revealed every 3 consecutive questions answered correctly (screwed if you answer 3 wrongly). Sadly, the word "cerebellum" did not cross our minds. Nevertheless, we completed elements-stringing-into-words for Alchem fairly well, and proceeded on to the electronics station, where we racked our brains to determine the exact placing of resistors in an unrevealed box with 4 points where crocodile wires can be placed. To no avail. In the end, only the great Amyas (who set the question) could do; none of the participants actually completed the task.

BB eventually won 2nd, and BW 1st.

Math Olympiad Training on Monday was random, with IMO questions given to solve. I sat there stunned as Mr Lu kept saying "obvious", "naturally" (Huiyao: sir, not that natural leh) while explaining solutions, while some nodded their heads in enlightenment, while I didn't understand much. Intend to carry on though... hopefully next week would not be a repeat of today.

Met a few tutors for the past few days. All are of high standard. The GP tutor is particularly impressive: she is highly articulate, slightly wry, good at suanning, worked as a journalist in the Straits Times, and naturally has connections with the people in this field. Sounds good. I really need to progress full speed for GP since my starting point's so low.

1st week of rj

2009-02-13T23:17:00.006+08:00

10S06p- chem, math ra class, with a dash of art and geog people... everyone's good in their own right. All are friendly; we played orientation games, and there was much participation coming from everyone.

shocks encountered throughout the week:
abrasion from scraping my face on the field during saturday's rugby training. very very worried... fortunately the wound healed well.

physics lectures: surprisingly funny with a very fun "McGonagallish" teacher.

Maths RA: very very good teachers; we had an excellent lecture about using the combinatorics/ "reasoning" way of thinking instead of the usual teaching of notations. Have to read ahead though... I have a nagging feeling that Maths RA'll be a flagrant violation of the sacred sanctified codified institutionalised "no child left behind" policy.

Piano: Hanjie's fingers are actually independent of one another, nimble enough to be controlled, finger by finger, by the great bao bao. feel very inspired to practice a lot to be just like him. 路漫漫其修远兮ah! Oh yes, Evan Ma is imba at piano too, with his amazing handwork in rigoletto paraphrase (another piece I gave up on)

fri: cultural shock during eve of valentine's day (i.e. a school day nearest to valentine's day). All the girls came with gifts etc for og and class... and the boys had nothing to give in return for such a kind gesture. Kartik and I were so paiseh that we actually rushed to Thomson Plaza in the middle of school to buy stuff for the girls. The rest succeeded in keeping the girls hanging about, so when we came back, we could present the gifts to them. The guys of 10S06P felt pleased with themselves.

signups: bb ppl called for interhouse debates. No more debates for me, I say... I've got too much commitments. But I'm going to sign up for a lot of stuff. I'm not going to sit back and wait for things to happen, circumstances to go my way, opportunities to come knocking at the door, everything presented in a platter. I'm heading out, I'm venturing out of my comfort zone, into unchartered territories, and try and try and try. Not holding back anymore.

To end off: (lumpy's fixation)
Mendelssohn's violin concerto!!!
Disclaimer: Can't say the following recording's the best, but it's decent. For comparison, please go on to youtube and search for more recordings.

To debunk the claim that I'm a boring pure classical person, I'm telling you that I'm not! I don't analyse classical stuff; I just happen to listen to them slightly more often. I like pop too, especially british pop, namely MIKA.

His live performance's not that good... but this song's great!

O’tiero: rj orientation 2009

2009-02-09T13:02:00.003+08:00

Well-planned, well-executed, well done! Ogls were fun. Bb10 aka O'rhh-horrrrr was responsive, un-cliquey, friendly. Result: we got a successful orientation.

Had a few familiar faces: Han Sheng, Fayang, Shing Bo, Kevin, Long Chuan, Gerald, Alison, Cherie. Seen Lincoln and Tianyang in RI. No trouble getting to know the rest: Amanda, Chloe, Evan, Fiona, Zibing, Xinjia, Stella, Michelle, Zaf.

1st day was good; the usual icebreakers, running around, OG games, free ice-cream, OG dinner. Games were weirdly entertaining, especially the standing-on-chairs-answering-questions-add/minus-yr/opponent’s-chair-if-you-answer-correctly/wrongly. Following an offensive from the opponent, we decided to sabo them by always asking for their chairs to be removed instead of our chairs being added on when we answered the questions correctly (we peeped at the answers beforehand).

Joke: who are you? Fayang: Fayang. Which “Fa”? Fayang 的 “Fa”. Which “yang”? Fayang的“yang”. (So it is 发扬光大的“发扬”)。

2nd day was the best; we went around Toa-Payoh and Bugis for an amazing race, “200 dollars worth of Swenson’s voucher awarded to the top-five groups”. The passing-bottle game was difficult as we had to pass a bottle only with our chins and shoulders, but everybody was laughing and laughing, making it the game of the day. We adjourned to Manhattan Fish Market in Central for dinner and talked at the banks of Singapore River, with Zheng Xuan talking about JC and life—I realized then that we have a lot in common about our directions, ambitions. Oh yes, no prizes for guessing who ate “pol-lock” (pollock), played games and trespassed a bar at the roof-top while the rest (we) were at Central.

3rd day was IHC—rough and mentally tiring. For the first game, pairs of gals holding hands tear off pegs from individual running guys. I found it ok, didn’t really try dodging… but it’s said that Marcus Koe tried to sidestep the girls and got a sprained ankle. Fine during training, but injured in this game! 2nd game was chaotic, placing chopsticks in other’s bases, trying hard not to get caught. 3rd game was about running through lines of defence without getting touched by newspapers. As usual, the scale of these events was great, and the ogls handled them well.

4th day: dance and cheers and dance and lunch and home. Uneventful.

5th day: take 5. Played Frisbee with OG; “cepat” call was great as my team made short passes while outrunning opponents to score. O nite was only alright, the response being lukewarm as everyone’s tired.
Storyline: started out good, ended very abruptly, but already better than RI.

Batch dance: It’s a pity that we’ve practised for 5 straight days only to perform with a bad soundtrack…

But thanks guys for all the fun. Special mention goes to Zheng Xuan, Readon, and Ying Jing, especially Zheng Xuan who has been with us for meals and hosted OG outing at his house.

2009-01-27T00:07:00.002+08:00

Beethoven's Coriolan Overture. Listened to it for about 6 times already...

chinese new year

2009-01-26T22:51:00.006+08:00

This morning, I tried to call the shop in science centre which sells the eclipse glasses... no one picked up the call.

Yesterday, or the day before, or 2 days before, etc, I didn't buy it as I wasn't in the know of the solar eclipse.

Science centre was open, but I wasn't there.

So I missed the partial solar eclipse.

And I'm not sad, because the sky was overcast at the time of the eclipse... a consolation that I mightn't have seen the eclipse even if I had the glasses.

But CNY was great, though the money was less. It was the same routine of visiting paternal->maternal->paternal, eating vegetarian at both sides, preparing for the influx of relatives which fill the house at the maternal side, catching up with relatives who would always ask for our names year after year, and collectively paying respects to our ancestors by bowing at their tablets (maternal side).

I find myself wishing only for happiness and health amongst my relatives... "Prosperity" and "getting what you want" (xiong go yong dak go yong) just don't seem important anymore.

And we played blackjack at the paternal side after a steamboat dinner. Lots of laughter when I did something very stupid and lost the "finals", but it was all in good spirit.

This is the most different chinese new year I've ever experienced.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

2009-01-26T01:45:00.003+08:00

The year of the ox, the cow, and the bull. In these auspicious times ahead, the bull will chase away the bear, and hopefully all will be well and good.

Wishing you a happy chinese new year!!

quickie before I sleep

2009-01-24T01:08:00.003+08:00

Went stargazing in bishan park for the first time with sis tagging along; stayed for around 45 minutes. The stellarium software predicted the exact coordinates of the stars in altitude/ azimuth; I set it at 12am so that when I reach there, I can measure and identify the stars.

Unfortunately, the weather took a turn and we find ourselves staring at clouds. Managed to find sirius and orion (the easy ones), but by the time the sky cleared, the coordinates were a tad off, giving me an excuse to say, hey, I couldn't identify because it wasn't accurate anymore :)

Still, we tried (in vain) to identify more constellations; I had drawn out orion, monoceros, gemini, Taurus, Auriga, Lepus, Canis minor, cancer and a small not-drawn-to-scale star map. Thought we saw Canis minor and lepus. In the end we gave up and remembered all the stars we actually saw. When we reached home, lo and behold, we have (probably) mistaken the two heads of gemini for the two stars of canis minor, and the rectangle in canis major for the one in lepus. And we discovered that we actually saw auriga, as the curve of stars we memorised turned out to be.

So, new constellations today (drumroll):
1. Orion (ok not so new)
2. (most likely) Gemini
3. Auriga
4. Canis major (with Serius so also not new)

Two downsides: 1. I had to crane my neck to stargaze, and came later to realise that I could lie down, so I now possess an aching neck and dirty clothing. I should find something to lie down on in the future. 2. I had to copy the constellations and their altitude/ azimuth, spending lots of time preparing... I now know that a laptop/notebook could be useful as I can bring it along into the secluded venue. Tsk.

Nevertheless, I experienced myself tremendously, and hope to do this again sometime soon.

madmadmad

2009-01-22T21:45:00.002+08:00

Tiring, fatiguing, exhausting... I'm only repeating the same words to reemphasize how long the day was for me.

Attended the GC course, General studies in Chinese and Geographic Information System for electives until 11.30. Played table tennis for almost 2 hours with Huiyao, Shingbo, Leonard, Zewei, Edmund, Brandon, Matthias, Ashish. Brother was there for a short while and we partnered against the people. Very fun.

Wanted to know what dance was about, and spurred on by a hot-headed enthu Leonard (another Leonard) and Shu Jian, we auditioned for modern dance. We had about 20 minutes to prepare a sequence of dance moves which can be applied to many songs, and just did it. Hard to describe the dance moves, but it was hard, full-stop. I was lucky to be performing with people who know the dance moves; we copied each other when we needed help and got through it successfully. The other group was less fortunate; at one point they were all stuck somehow and laughed their way to the end. But it was hilarious and we laughed our heads off, implicitly recognizing the pain and effort those real dancers put in even for a minute of performance.

Had to go for MathSoc meeting (orientation?), so we left halfway. Played the answering questions game, game of buying and selling oranges, and sprouts, a simple game possessing specific strategies to win which evades me completely. Similar to Alchemy club orientation, except that this was more mathy and funny due to the usual loudish behavior of Huiyao and Ivan.

Went for dinner with 3 MathSoc exco guys and teacher-in-charge. Talked quite a lot about the syllabus and JC Math in general. Nicholas, Desmond, Eng Xiang and I made our way to a certain secluded spot and played “psychological modified bridge” (I coin that term), and floating bridge.

Fun fact (wikipedia):

Singaporean bridge is a re-invention of sorts of the traditional game of contract bridge. This version of bridge derives its name from where it is believed to have been invented, Singapore, and just like its traditional predecessor, there are variations in the rules. What is fascinating is that most Singaporeans, predominantly the younger players, are not aware of how contract bridge is played. In other words, they believe this version of bridge to be 'bridge'. It is also known as floating bridge. Possibly the only online server that hosts this version of bridge is Viwawa.

Didn’t know that the common bridge that we play is a unique one.

It was so riveting that I forgot the time, only to find out that I’m already late for piano lessons.

Hurried back home and took the piano lesson.

And here I am, writing about what I’ve done today.

Scare

2009-01-20T18:59:00.003+08:00

Statistics don't lie:

GP and Econs only have about 60% of people getting As in As.

In Promos, the percentage of As is dismally low: 1+% 2 years ago and 0.7% last year.

The trend, moreover, is towards a lower percentage obtaining As in each passing year.

A wake-up-and-buck-up call to all J1s this year.

Fortunately, the number of As is not fixed, i.e. you can have as many people getting As as possible, so it's not a zero-sum game. It never is.

I convince myself that I'll work for the A, and resolve to attain more knowledge in current affairs and a birds-eye view of the swirling world of economics.

All of us can do it, even if we're not the "geniuses".

Kiwi Cup 2008—RI VS Saint Andrews

2009-01-16T22:26:00.000+08:00

U19 A div final score: 7-5; two tries due to two red cards. Saints winger was sent off because he spitted on Jason (Junchang was shouting, amidst disapproval, “Send the hooligan off!!!”), allowing Marcus some open space to run through as he scores the first try. Then Lennie was sent off because he “attempted to kick someone” as he took a “forward ball” from Alimi. Saints, as usual, tight and predictable in attack and defence. We were superior individually (player-to-player) but were bogged down by an overwhelming desire to score, making many mistakes in the process. “Control” is the name of the game, but we evidently hadn’t grasp that yet, missing many scoring opportunities… I shan’t elaborate further.

Didn’t really watch the other matches, but heard that the over-35s won by a narrow margin and the under-14s lost by quite a bit.

And guys, relax lah. Real game’s already over and there’s no point in blame-games. OK, Jason caught neither the line-up call nor the ball at the dying moments of the game, but so what! Rugby is a team sport, so no one is to be blamed. Work on your weaknesses and get it over with!

clash of the JCs

2009-01-15T20:35:00.002+08:00

Noticed this:

On one hand, in "Open House 2009- Message from the Principal" for RIJC:
"Raffles is unique- no other institution can boast of a heritage as inspiring as that of the oldest school in Singapore which has produced 77 President's scholars since 1965."

On the other hand, check out this link:
http://www.hci.edu.sg/ViewBreakNews.asp?BID=58&page=1
Hwa Chong touts that "Hwa Chong has to date produced 49 President's Scholars - the highest number amongst all junior colleges in Singapore."

Hmm, a slight disagreement between the schools... my take is that both are right; Hwa Chong only has "Hwa Chong" whilst Raffles historically has "RI", "RGS" (both with their Pre-U aka JC courses decades ago) and "RJC".

Clever statistical trick :)

official opening

2009-01-13T00:01:00.023+08:00

THIS BLOG WILL BE OFFICIALLY AND PUBLICLY OPENED ON JANUARY 14 2008.

This blog offers peeks into my:
likes
dislikes
opinions
surroundings
personality
life, public or otherwise

content includes:
pop culture
fun facts
musings

medium for expression:
words
youtube videos
photos (maybe)

I'll start advertising then. Please visit (you are already visiting) my blog NOW!

I promise I won't use advertising methods like "LOOK HERE" or "LIHAT SINI". Really.

“Diametric” opposites

2009-01-09T19:11:00.003+08:00

Student / Working adult

At the cusp of JC life and perhaps adulthood, I think myself as a youngster. I am a carefree boy who cares about results, who friends me, whether I can play sports well, and whatnot. Naturally, the thought of being an adult in just a few years time irks me. Just as Gabriel said,

“I am ambivalent of being an adult. On one hand, I want to be a grown-up. On the other hand, you are out of this easy system of exams and playing, going headlong into complicated adult…”

“stuff.” I interjected.

“It’s kind of nostalgic being in secondary school.” Gabriel mused, while some secondary school girls behind gossiped about school, about their parents, and about themselves.

Yet I know I must be a grown-up soon, because I’ve used up almost all my money today and cannot spend as I wish.

Aspirations / Earning money

I wonder if I would ever take the easy route, earning money and never thinking of contributing to the world. It seems obvious—this current moment—that my aspirations are much more crucial. But recent experience with the lack of money inevitably means that this might be a major concern in future. The allure of a leisurely and affluent lifestyle, and the power of spending (i.e. consumerism), may prove too great. I’m afraid that I may just abandon my ambition and target in life, do the easy thing that, albeit giving instant gratification short-term, ends in emptiness filled with regret.

Does it always have to be diametric opposites? Can it be like a dialectic, thesis and antithesis, eventually emerging as a synthesis?—a compromise as well as the best of both worlds.

Ender's game, and perhaps my life

2009-01-08T11:54:00.002+08:00

Ender

Battle school
Commander of Dragon
Commander of man’s fleet
Unknowingly
Condescended upon the tainted halls of tainted adults
“Psychoanalysing” sister, brother, superiors, inferiors,
Quashing Lives of millions
like a little boy upon millions of a little alien ant colony
Think strategies
Manipulating and being manipulated
I’m an instrument of man
I’m never born

Foolishly, writhingly, desperately,
I hallucinate that
I’m a child of 11
Lying in bed, foolishly, writhingly, desperately
Close my eyes
where I can
Ever hope to
Wake
A child again

malacca trip

2008-11-24T21:25:00.009+08:00

Always so belated. It's the 24th today, and I'm reporting on something that happened more than a week ago.

Last last weekend, trip to Malacca. With maternal relatives. 2 days: car ride, food, shopping, hotel, nothing else.

It was practically the same old itinerary; the food was practically the same as the other time we'd been there.

Deviation from norm:
1st night's dinner: seafood.
next morning's breakfast: dim sum.
Different hotel.
Different car :)

I loved it. We should switch from explore mode to sit-back-and-relax mode once in a while. There's nothing wrong in sticking to one's old ways. Let the pictures do the explanation.

Cat in a restaurant. Cute, but it casted serious doubts about the safety standards of the said restaurant and periphery.

Malacca's a UNESCO World Heritage City (starting from this July)!

Car ride to Malacca.

close-up on blemishes.

Implicit Association Test (IAT)

2008-11-23T22:28:00.001+08:00

To save the trouble:

The Implicit Association Test (IAT) is an experimental method within social psychology designed to measure the strength of automatic association between mental representations of objects (concepts) in memory. The IAT requires the rapid categorization of various stimulus objects, such that easier pairings (and faster responses) are interpreted as being more strongly associated in memory than more difficult pairings (slower responses).
-Wikipedia

There're 2 buttons for 2 categories respectively. These categories contain two words. You are to press the buttons to classify pictures or words that appear on the screen as quickly as possible. For instance, you have Thin, Fat, Good and Bad. At one stage, 'Thin' and 'Good' appear in 1 category, and 'Fat' and 'Bad' appear in another. The screen will, say, flash out the image of a thin person or the word 'beautiful'; you are to press the button for the category 'Thin' and 'Good'. Of course, you have the other situation, in which 'Thin' and 'Bad' appear in 1 category, and 'Good' and 'Fat' in the other. The result's supposed to tell you whether you associate 'Fat' with good or bad, and 'Thin' with good or bad. Very interesting, and difficult to lie too, because they record your reaction time, which is largely accurate provided that you don't try to beat the system and do it at your own leisurely pace.

So I tried a few. Turns out that I have preferences which are very very very disturbing, the kind of I-think-I-am-such-but-actually-I-am-not feeling. But of course this is only "implicit", in the subconcious, so I can (and I am), with my rational mind, curbing it and manifesting the belief that I think is right.

So here're the results:
Neutral-->Slight-->moderate-->strong
1. Moderate preference of Asian Americans being American to European being American (erm, because I'm a Chinese and I'm not American)

2. Your data suggest a slight association of Male with Science and Female with Liberal Arts compared to Female with Science and Male with Liberal Arts. (apparently. stereotyping I guess)

3. Your data suggest a slight automatic preference for Young compared to Old. (only a slight. But I've always thought that the old possesses experience and a better moral compass, while the young are energetic, creative and productive, so I was expecting a neutral)

4. Your data suggest little or no association between Female and Male with Career and Family. (now that's surprising. I live with 'traditional' people all my life, so I assumed that I was imbued with stereotypes of male-career, female-family. I guess it's because my mum's working)

Try it yourself at https://implicit.harvard.edu/, and be shocked by how your inner mind works. But don't take it too seriously. As I said, these associations can be controlled by the rational mind from outward manifestations. Besides, you can always change associations. E.g. if you have a preference for whites over blacks, you can watch athletics or basketball or Martin Luther King or Nelson Mendela. This can change your preference fairly drastically.

Of course, all that I've been saying is paraphrased from Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. Good book, good examples about what snap judgments are about, pros and cons of it. But too brief about how to make good snap judgments, how one can train oneself to be able to do so.

So if you want to know more, read Blink.

This is not an advertisement. Just a recommendation.

Yes, an implicit advertisement. Watever.

not forever

2008-11-16T22:28:00.002+08:00

btw. he's back again. smiling. as if nothing'd happened. Please. Don't do that again.

Exams and post-exams

2008-11-16T22:08:00.001+08:00

It’s really over… the other blogs have talked about it, I rather I do not, only to proclaim that I’ve done quite well. And that’s that.

HMT O’ levels was indeed a whirlwind. The compo might have been good, might have been not so good; there is ambiguity for the rest of the paper too. A lack of surety. Uncomfortable. But I guess that’s part of life.
It’s a pity though that most claim that they would not read another Chinese character for the rest of their lives. Admittedly, with English becoming sort of a “lingua-franca” in our world (the Chinese too are learning English in droves, with Earnest), Chinese seems to take a much neglected back seat, especially with the international 海外华侨s (Ethnic Chinese outside of Mainland China). Yet, we must not forget our roots, our ancestry. We need something to connect us, a sense of belonging, a sense of history, love (but not patriotism). Perhaps Chinese can be the connection, a heart-to-heart, truthful connection beyond our appearances and our characteristic idiosyncratic ruthless practicality and money-mindedness.

I still read Chinese. I’ll still read Chinese.

Clichéd. Anyway, the post-O’ level-activities came in avalanches. All hell broke loose. We had a class chalet immediately from wed to sat, when I joined the likes of the China scholars, Georshie, Tanuj etc in Counter Strike LANning. Never played CS before, so it was entirely an exhilarating experience. I was particularly impressed (and slightly worried) for the China scholars—they were amazing with the accuracy in their shots. I had a fair amount of beginner’s luck, managing to gun some down out of the many many more times they managed to do unto me. I’d also successfully squeezed into the Mahjong gang of four several times and played several games with a poking Fong, a complaining Ram and a wide-eyed Renyan. Alright, it wasn’t a gang of four; it was a rotating door policy. But mahjong is mahjong, and we had a good time. We watched shows too. Georshie and I watched ‘big bang theory’, with nerd and not, strung together with wit into a sure-win formula of an American sitcom. The China scholars and I watched Inferno affairs. Zhiyu was ranting about how good how good how good it was, and indeed it was. Wonderful.

Outdoor activities were fun too. Barbeque was good (Fong orchestrated the entire thing wonderfully). Food was relatively good at Changi Village (except that it was too oily; I had diarrhoea). Walk at the seaside was very good. I never knew such sunsets, scenery, breezes could be experienced in Singapore.

Sleeping was good too.

Georshie and I were the only ones who stayed throughout.

1st day: barbeque
2nd day: some came and went. Xbox came and went. Only scholars +3 people stayed.
3rd day: graduation day. Returned at 5 plus. Some came and went. Only Ashish, Conan, Renyan, Joshua, Samuel (from another class) stayed.

So it was rollicking fun.

forever

2008-10-03T12:35:00.002+08:00

Saw a friend go. left. his life would never be the same again. shattered dreams shards of sculptured intricately designed glass. wriggled out of hands and fall headlong onto the floor, scattering away. Too err is human, yet erring has boundaries. socially unacceptable errings and forgivable errings; both unwittingly, impulsively, stupidly, yet one barring you for the rest of your life.

10 days have passed

2008-08-16T09:52:00.002+08:00

10 days have passed. In these 10 days I've done quite a lot: chem cct (done well :). english showcase portfolio (good). RE interim report (not that bad), mostly repackaging into something somewhat appealing... Maths TA (screwed). And best of all, my last debate for interhouse debates, which was much better than expected.

THBT the environment belongs to rich-- We were opposing. Preparation for the debate was less than intense--Ern Xu turned up for 2 prep sessions thankfully, me and Dewin once, Jie Min none. We were against the secondary 1 debaters.

I think what allowed us to win was not the usual "determination", "teamwork", "effort" etc, it was that we had nothing to lose. We've lost 2 matches, and in order to get into semi-finals, we need at least 2 wins. Evidently there is no chance at all for ever qualifying. I guess this was the defining factor which led to our victory. It was the lack of pressure from our side and the subsequent confidence to go out there just for enjoyment, for the sake of speaking out that did it. At least for me, I was less nervous and did what I had to do. I didn't commit any mistakes of disjoint argument--not linking back to the yardstick, motion, and "how our side wins"--to my teammates' and my own surprise. It was just me and Ben Mark, my friend, nodding his head away at what I have to say as I reason my case.

I received my first compliment in debating. Ashish said that if I smoothen my speech, minimise little bumps, had a good conclusion (when time's up and the bell's ringing incessantly, I just said "go with the opposition" and sat down :), I would actually be school debater standard.

Thanks teammates Ern Xu, Jie Min, Dewin for being such good buddies; Ashish for being such a wonderful and pro debater and teacher; fong for prepping; Ms Cho for showing up at debates and supporting us...

We went celebrating after that, just Ashish, Choon How, and me. It wasn't celebration per se. It was an excuse to go to Ashish's house to watch "House". All the while Ashish rants about how Hugh Laurie's an amazing American though he's British in real life.

Burned a Friday night. Now I've only 1 1/4 days for physics cct and lit laputa peer teaching on monday.

workworkwork

2008-08-06T20:13:00.002+08:00

RE work: not looking good at all...
Chem work for CCT: 1/4 done
Physics work for IJPO: bad bad bad; don't even talk about it
English Portfolio: thought of theme, but haven't really sat down and slog it out...

I wonder (aloud) whether wenjie has a blog-- his list would definitely be longer

impromptu debate

2008-08-02T10:49:00.003+08:00

Had an impromptu debate with 1h prep time... did really badly, only finishing my rebuttals at the 5 minute mark, and that's seriously overtime, which leaves me 1 min for my tenuous substantive. The other 2nd speaker (right after me) was so good that he pushed the odds against us, and by the time Dewin came, it's as though they've won already. So it was sort of my fault that we lost, as was the last time.

Surprisingly, I was able to talk for 6 minutes non-stop, an amazing feat for someone who speaks hardly 1000 words a day. I ended up feeling proud of myself even though we lost.

1 last debate- I'm going all out to win this!

Updates

2008-07-29T06:19:00.003+08:00

Interhouse debates- Thought we could win, but oh well, we lost to Jaryl's team in the debate, THW privatise all public transport services, which we were opposing. Good experience- nerve-wrecking, and Jaryl was fairly intimidating- and hopefully, in the next debate, which is impromptu (1h of prep), we'll triumph over the other team. What is surprising is that I didn't feel any sadness at all upon losing, which is very unlikeike myself.Congratulations to Yongsheng and team to have won the debate :)

Physics: somehow, I have to squeeze out at least half of my time to prepare for sjpo... There'll be so much competition, and I know I won be as good as physics RA +science club and the like, so I decide to just try my best and hope for more (than the best). Meanwhile, it's an uphill task to find time to learn more...

Portfolio: almost everyone in my badge's worried about this: showcase portfolio's due soon and really, I don't know what to do... want to tie in chem porfolio with showcase portfolio, but since I'm not sure what to do for showcase, I cannot do chem portfolio, which is due last week. I'm ruminating: the war of attrition against the massive edifice of the portfolio is ongoing.

Interhouse debates

2008-07-25T23:10:00.002+08:00

OK, I'm not a debater, and can never be a debator. My approach in life is to accept things at face value, and check if they work in general. I do question, I do argue, but not vocally/ outspokenly. Just a quiet assessment of the pros and cons, internal contradictions. That's why you never spot me debating with other people. I do argue when they don't argue with logic, but this can only be considered a "personal attack"--disapproval of that person, not a debate.

But debates are useful. It teaches you English because you neeed to construct arguments which are grammatically sound and persuasive (which requires vocabulary). By the way, is debates singular or plural?
More than that, it trains your oratorical skills (persuasive speech :) and public speaking ability. That requires confidence, and through debates, hopefully I will truly gain confidence.

That's why I never regret joining inter-house debates. The stress and excitement I'm experiencing right now... unbelievable. Even a highly-charged rugby match cannot be compared to this.

As Ashish said, "When 7 new and logical substantives are being brought up and you sit there, stunned, not knowing how to rebut... that's what I call intellectual stimulation." (quote based on impression)

complain: too much holidays

2008-07-21T23:38:00.000+08:00

There’s something wrong, wrong, wrong about school. As our very much revered TPH rightly puts it, “这个学期有十个星期，你说上几个星期的课?” Although that was a rhetorical question, he answered it anyway, “我看有足足有三个星期放假！” (exasperated wry smiles). It’s a nail on the head, though. School’s so “in and out”, brief and not at all intense, like a stuttering engine which would extend its insistence and existence way past the start of our traditional holidays. School-going is no longer a continuous, flowing process of learning, or rote-learning, or spoon-feeding, it’s highly interrupted, slack and almost non-existent.

The very purpose of school lessons, I feel, is to teach us societal conventions and conventional information in as quick a way as possible. So it’s chop chop information cramming in school, and after you’re left at home at your own devises. There you can engage yourselves in independent, critical thinking, read out of curriculum, explore the world… do whatever your heart tells you to!

But now they’re placing so much holidays in between that there’re no lessons—then where to get the teaching and learning done? Do it myself? A good solution… precisely what I’m doing now. But I want to be able to do whatever I like, so either I don’t care much about the tested topics or I care about them and try to get all the information I require. Let’s say I’m a good boy and commit to the latter, the next question to ask is: what do I look through? Which fact do I concentrate on and mull over? Which one do I just take at face value and gloss over? Unless you’re a genius (which I’m not), we would want structured lessons that tell us all these so that we’re not that tied down to exams, and can do whatever we want easier.

Perhaps I’m being too reliant on spoon-feeding, rote-learning. Or perhaps I assume that lessons are in fact very useful. I’m assuming wrongly, lessons aren’t useful. Many teachers don’t teach properly, they don’t give enough information, they don’t explain and enlighten. Nowadays there’re “peer-teaching”, “discussions” (useless unless it’s lit), creative and “thought-provoking” videos and slides which seem educational but never convey new insights or information. Lessons aren’t that spoon-feeding anymore too.

I’m ranting. It shouldn’t matter whether there’s teaching, there’re lessons or lack thereof. I just have to accept things and move on.

A tribute

2008-07-10T18:54:00.000+08:00

There is always a certain profound anguish if someone so special to you, who shares such special memories with you, passes on. Nothing can be compared to this experience-- not failing your Os and As and everything else, not getting retrenched, not not realising your dreams, not failure. Not sickness, not your disease, nothing. It's like a part of your heart has been filled with so much of that person, and suddenly this person's gone, and that part of your heart a void. You cry, you grieve, you know that crying and grieving don't help things a bit. You're helpless.

I remember her holding my small podgy hands, then my long tapered fingers, crossing the main road, always reminding me how the road's dangerous, how I have to take extra care crossing the road. Her hands, sometimes warm, sometimes cold, but I never stopped holding it even after the road was crossed. It was just so natural to hold on.

But I had to let go. I've cried and refused for days. It was so painful. I just didn't wish to do it.

But at my last glance at her peaceful countenance, I knew that nothing's going to change. There was a finality in that look. So I let go. And in my heart, the void of that physical person is once again filled, this time with her spirit and our shared memories, guiding me and accompanying me forever.

Peddler selling her wares

2008-07-06T13:50:00.000+08:00

This time round, brother wasn’t around and my parents were busy, so I went to the English tuition centre via public transport, alone. No big deal, it’s not as if I haven’t done that before.

Arriving at Novena, I always had to walk across the underpass to reach the place. As usual, it was fairly noisy, with the countless reverberations bouncing around the 2 walls, the ceiling and ground, which were hardly 3 metres from each other, similar to how we would flank our hands beside our mouths when we shout. A lone basker sat, strumming and singing an oldie that no one seemed to know.

And then at the escalator landing, a middle-aged lady with a crumpler peddling her goods—simple blue pens. “Pen?” she asked as she offered a brand new pen with wrapper attached. I merely walked past, ignoring her existence. Turning back, I noticed many more pens lay on a ledge. Approximately 10, though I didn’t bother to count.

I reached the tuition centre, and forgot about the whole thing. Nothing unusual, nothing notable after all…

2 hours later, I came back from tuition class, walking across the underpass, again.

The same lady offered a brand new pen with wrapper attached. “Pen?” she asked hopefully. This time, I held out my hand in rejection and walked on.

The basker’s taken a break, looking at his scores. This time there wasn’t a crowd, only a few individuals walking, minding their own business. I turned my head, and noticed once more, that the number of pens which lay on a ledge remained approximately 10.

Perhaps she’d sold more than 10 and had replaced the previous batch. Maybe not.

But something urged me to carry on walking. Of course, I still wanted to return and just buy a single brand new blue pen, just to put a smile on her spent countenance.

But I didn’t. I never bought not-entirely-useful trinkets from peddlers such as these. This time was no exception. This time round, I was a bit regretful, yet I was more hardened. On one hand, buying could mean “helping the needy”, on the other hand, it could be encouraging opportunists eager to earn quick bucks.

I just walked on.

this is it--> a new blog :)

2008-07-02T21:58:00.000+08:00

I've just created a blog here... Hope that this blog can hone my language skills... Hope that everyone who reads this find this interesting and maybe reflective of my character (I stress on the word "maybe" -I do rave and hurl invectives at people sometimes)... Hope that this blog can be a source of inspiration for my (dormant) creative soul and a source of hope when adversity seems so crushing...

I don't know... but hopefully, this blog will overcome the terrible fates that many other blogs -including many of my previous attempts at blogging- face and last.