malacca trip

Always so belated. It's the 24th today, and I'm reporting on something that happened more than a week ago.

Last last weekend, trip to Malacca. With maternal relatives. 2 days: car ride, food, shopping, hotel, nothing else.

It was practically the same old itinerary; the food was practically the same as the other time we'd been there.

Deviation from norm:
1st night's dinner: seafood.
next morning's breakfast: dim sum.
Different hotel.
Different car :)

I loved it. We should switch from explore mode to sit-back-and-relax mode once in a while. There's nothing wrong in sticking to one's old ways. Let the pictures do the explanation.












Cat in a restaurant. Cute, but it casted serious doubts about the safety standards of the said restaurant and periphery.













Malacca's a UNESCO World Heritage City (starting from this July)!













Car ride to Malacca.

close-up on blemishes.

Implicit Association Test (IAT)

To save the trouble:

The Implicit Association Test (IAT) is an experimental method within social psychology designed to measure the strength of automatic association between mental representations of objects (concepts) in memory. The IAT requires the rapid categorization of various stimulus objects, such that easier pairings (and faster responses) are interpreted as being more strongly associated in memory than more difficult pairings (slower responses).
-Wikipedia

There're 2 buttons for 2 categories respectively. These categories contain two words. You are to press the buttons to classify pictures or words that appear on the screen as quickly as possible. For instance, you have Thin, Fat, Good and Bad. At one stage, 'Thin' and 'Good' appear in 1 category, and 'Fat' and 'Bad' appear in another. The screen will, say, flash out the image of a thin person or the word 'beautiful'; you are to press the button for the category 'Thin' and 'Good'. Of course, you have the other situation, in which 'Thin' and 'Bad' appear in 1 category, and 'Good' and 'Fat' in the other. The result's supposed to tell you whether you associate 'Fat' with good or bad, and 'Thin' with good or bad. Very interesting, and difficult to lie too, because they record your reaction time, which is largely accurate provided that you don't try to beat the system and do it at your own leisurely pace.

So I tried a few. Turns out that I have preferences which are very very very disturbing, the kind of I-think-I-am-such-but-actually-I-am-not feeling. But of course this is only "implicit", in the subconcious, so I can (and I am), with my rational mind, curbing it and manifesting the belief that I think is right.

So here're the results:
Neutral-->Slight-->moderate-->strong
1. Moderate preference of Asian Americans being American to European being American (erm, because I'm a Chinese and I'm not American)

2. Your data suggest a slight association of Male with Science and Female with Liberal Arts compared to Female with Science and Male with Liberal Arts. (apparently. stereotyping I guess)

3. Your data suggest a slight automatic preference for Young compared to Old. (only a slight. But I've always thought that the old possesses experience and a better moral compass, while the young are energetic, creative and productive, so I was expecting a neutral)

4. Your data suggest little or no association between Female and Male with Career and Family. (now that's surprising. I live with 'traditional' people all my life, so I assumed that I was imbued with stereotypes of male-career, female-family. I guess it's because my mum's working)

Try it yourself at https://implicit.harvard.edu/, and be shocked by how your inner mind works. But don't take it too seriously. As I said, these associations can be controlled by the rational mind from outward manifestations. Besides, you can always change associations. E.g. if you have a preference for whites over blacks, you can watch athletics or basketball or Martin Luther King or Nelson Mendela. This can change your preference fairly drastically.

Of course, all that I've been saying is paraphrased from Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. Good book, good examples about what snap judgments are about, pros and cons of it. But too brief about how to make good snap judgments, how one can train oneself to be able to do so.

So if you want to know more, read Blink.

This is not an advertisement. Just a recommendation.

Yes, an implicit advertisement. Watever.

not forever

btw. he's back again. smiling. as if nothing'd happened. Please. Don't do that again.

Exams and post-exams

It’s really over… the other blogs have talked about it, I rather I do not, only to proclaim that I’ve done quite well. And that’s that.

HMT O’ levels was indeed a whirlwind. The compo might have been good, might have been not so good; there is ambiguity for the rest of the paper too. A lack of surety. Uncomfortable. But I guess that’s part of life.
It’s a pity though that most claim that they would not read another Chinese character for the rest of their lives. Admittedly, with English becoming sort of a “lingua-franca” in our world (the Chinese too are learning English in droves, with Earnest), Chinese seems to take a much neglected back seat, especially with the international 海外华侨s (Ethnic Chinese outside of Mainland China). Yet, we must not forget our roots, our ancestry. We need something to connect us, a sense of belonging, a sense of history, love (but not patriotism). Perhaps Chinese can be the connection, a heart-to-heart, truthful connection beyond our appearances and our characteristic idiosyncratic ruthless practicality and money-mindedness.

I still read Chinese. I’ll still read Chinese.

Clichéd. Anyway, the post-O’ level-activities came in avalanches. All hell broke loose. We had a class chalet immediately from wed to sat, when I joined the likes of the China scholars, Georshie, Tanuj etc in Counter Strike LANning. Never played CS before, so it was entirely an exhilarating experience. I was particularly impressed (and slightly worried) for the China scholars—they were amazing with the accuracy in their shots. I had a fair amount of beginner’s luck, managing to gun some down out of the many many more times they managed to do unto me. I’d also successfully squeezed into the Mahjong gang of four several times and played several games with a poking Fong, a complaining Ram and a wide-eyed Renyan. Alright, it wasn’t a gang of four; it was a rotating door policy. But mahjong is mahjong, and we had a good time. We watched shows too. Georshie and I watched ‘big bang theory’, with nerd and not, strung together with wit into a sure-win formula of an American sitcom. The China scholars and I watched Inferno affairs. Zhiyu was ranting about how good how good how good it was, and indeed it was. Wonderful.

Outdoor activities were fun too. Barbeque was good (Fong orchestrated the entire thing wonderfully). Food was relatively good at Changi Village (except that it was too oily; I had diarrhoea). Walk at the seaside was very good. I never knew such sunsets, scenery, breezes could be experienced in Singapore.

Sleeping was good too.

Georshie and I were the only ones who stayed throughout.

1st day: barbeque
2nd day: some came and went. Xbox came and went. Only scholars +3 people stayed.
3rd day: graduation day. Returned at 5 plus. Some came and went. Only Ashish, Conan, Renyan, Joshua, Samuel (from another class) stayed.


So it was rollicking fun.

forever

Saw a friend go. left. his life would never be the same again. shattered dreams shards of sculptured intricately designed glass. wriggled out of hands and fall headlong onto the floor, scattering away. Too err is human, yet erring has boundaries. socially unacceptable errings and forgivable errings; both unwittingly, impulsively, stupidly, yet one barring you for the rest of your life.

10 days have passed

10 days have passed. In these 10 days I've done quite a lot: chem cct (done well :). english showcase portfolio (good). RE interim report (not that bad), mostly repackaging into something somewhat appealing... Maths TA (screwed). And best of all, my last debate for interhouse debates, which was much better than expected.

THBT the environment belongs to rich-- We were opposing. Preparation for the debate was less than intense--Ern Xu turned up for 2 prep sessions thankfully, me and Dewin once, Jie Min none. We were against the secondary 1 debaters.

I think what allowed us to win was not the usual "determination", "teamwork", "effort" etc, it was that we had nothing to lose. We've lost 2 matches, and in order to get into semi-finals, we need at least 2 wins. Evidently there is no chance at all for ever qualifying. I guess this was the defining factor which led to our victory. It was the lack of pressure from our side and the subsequent confidence to go out there just for enjoyment, for the sake of speaking out that did it. At least for me, I was less nervous and did what I had to do. I didn't commit any mistakes of disjoint argument--not linking back to the yardstick, motion, and "how our side wins"--to my teammates' and my own surprise. It was just me and Ben Mark, my friend, nodding his head away at what I have to say as I reason my case.

I received my first compliment in debating. Ashish said that if I smoothen my speech, minimise little bumps, had a good conclusion (when time's up and the bell's ringing incessantly, I just said "go with the opposition" and sat down :), I would actually be school debater standard.

Thanks teammates Ern Xu, Jie Min, Dewin for being such good buddies; Ashish for being such a wonderful and pro debater and teacher; fong for prepping; Ms Cho for showing up at debates and supporting us...

We went celebrating after that, just Ashish, Choon How, and me. It wasn't celebration per se. It was an excuse to go to Ashish's house to watch "House". All the while Ashish rants about how Hugh Laurie's an amazing American though he's British in real life.

Burned a Friday night. Now I've only 1 1/4 days for physics cct and lit laputa peer teaching on monday.

workworkwork

RE work: not looking good at all...
Chem work for CCT: 1/4 done
Physics work for IJPO: bad bad bad; don't even talk about it
English Portfolio: thought of theme, but haven't really sat down and slog it out...

I wonder (aloud) whether wenjie has a blog-- his list would definitely be longer

impromptu debate

Had an impromptu debate with 1h prep time... did really badly, only finishing my rebuttals at the 5 minute mark, and that's seriously overtime, which leaves me 1 min for my tenuous substantive. The other 2nd speaker (right after me) was so good that he pushed the odds against us, and by the time Dewin came, it's as though they've won already. So it was sort of my fault that we lost, as was the last time.

Surprisingly, I was able to talk for 6 minutes non-stop, an amazing feat for someone who speaks hardly 1000 words a day. I ended up feeling proud of myself even though we lost.

1 last debate- I'm going all out to win this!

Updates

Interhouse debates- Thought we could win, but oh well, we lost to Jaryl's team in the debate, THW privatise all public transport services, which we were opposing. Good experience- nerve-wrecking, and Jaryl was fairly intimidating- and hopefully, in the next debate, which is impromptu (1h of prep), we'll triumph over the other team. What is surprising is that I didn't feel any sadness at all upon losing, which is very unlikeike myself.Congratulations to Yongsheng and team to have won the debate :)

Physics: somehow, I have to squeeze out at least half of my time to prepare for sjpo... There'll be so much competition, and I know I won be as good as physics RA +science club and the like, so I decide to just try my best and hope for more (than the best). Meanwhile, it's an uphill task to find time to learn more...

Portfolio: almost everyone in my badge's worried about this: showcase portfolio's due soon and really, I don't know what to do... want to tie in chem porfolio with showcase portfolio, but since I'm not sure what to do for showcase, I cannot do chem portfolio, which is due last week. I'm ruminating: the war of attrition against the massive edifice of the portfolio is ongoing.

Interhouse debates

OK, I'm not a debater, and can never be a debator. My approach in life is to accept things at face value, and check if they work in general. I do question, I do argue, but not vocally/ outspokenly. Just a quiet assessment of the pros and cons, internal contradictions. That's why you never spot me debating with other people. I do argue when they don't argue with logic, but this can only be considered a "personal attack"--disapproval of that person, not a debate.

But debates are useful. It teaches you English because you neeed to construct arguments which are grammatically sound and persuasive (which requires vocabulary). By the way, is debates singular or plural?
More than that, it trains your oratorical skills (persuasive speech :) and public speaking ability. That requires confidence, and through debates, hopefully I will truly gain confidence.

That's why I never regret joining inter-house debates. The stress and excitement I'm experiencing right now... unbelievable. Even a highly-charged rugby match cannot be compared to this.

As Ashish said, "When 7 new and logical substantives are being brought up and you sit there, stunned, not knowing how to rebut... that's what I call intellectual stimulation." (quote based on impression)

complain: too much holidays

There’s something wrong, wrong, wrong about school. As our very much revered TPH rightly puts it, “这个学期有十个星期，你说上几个星期的课?” Although that was a rhetorical question, he answered it anyway, “我看有足足有三个星期放假！” (exasperated wry smiles). It’s a nail on the head, though. School’s so “in and out”, brief and not at all intense, like a stuttering engine which would extend its insistence and existence way past the start of our traditional holidays. School-going is no longer a continuous, flowing process of learning, or rote-learning, or spoon-feeding, it’s highly interrupted, slack and almost non-existent.

The very purpose of school lessons, I feel, is to teach us societal conventions and conventional information in as quick a way as possible. So it’s chop chop information cramming in school, and after you’re left at home at your own devises. There you can engage yourselves in independent, critical thinking, read out of curriculum, explore the world… do whatever your heart tells you to!

But now they’re placing so much holidays in between that there’re no lessons—then where to get the teaching and learning done? Do it myself? A good solution… precisely what I’m doing now. But I want to be able to do whatever I like, so either I don’t care much about the tested topics or I care about them and try to get all the information I require. Let’s say I’m a good boy and commit to the latter, the next question to ask is: what do I look through? Which fact do I concentrate on and mull over? Which one do I just take at face value and gloss over? Unless you’re a genius (which I’m not), we would want structured lessons that tell us all these so that we’re not that tied down to exams, and can do whatever we want easier.

Perhaps I’m being too reliant on spoon-feeding, rote-learning. Or perhaps I assume that lessons are in fact very useful. I’m assuming wrongly, lessons aren’t useful. Many teachers don’t teach properly, they don’t give enough information, they don’t explain and enlighten. Nowadays there’re “peer-teaching”, “discussions” (useless unless it’s lit), creative and “thought-provoking” videos and slides which seem educational but never convey new insights or information. Lessons aren’t that spoon-feeding anymore too.

I’m ranting. It shouldn’t matter whether there’s teaching, there’re lessons or lack thereof. I just have to accept things and move on.

A tribute

There is always a certain profound anguish if someone so special to you, who shares such special memories with you, passes on. Nothing can be compared to this experience-- not failing your Os and As and everything else, not getting retrenched, not not realising your dreams, not failure. Not sickness, not your disease, nothing. It's like a part of your heart has been filled with so much of that person, and suddenly this person's gone, and that part of your heart a void. You cry, you grieve, you know that crying and grieving don't help things a bit. You're helpless.

I remember her holding my small podgy hands, then my long tapered fingers, crossing the main road, always reminding me how the road's dangerous, how I have to take extra care crossing the road. Her hands, sometimes warm, sometimes cold, but I never stopped holding it even after the road was crossed. It was just so natural to hold on.

But I had to let go. I've cried and refused for days. It was so painful. I just didn't wish to do it.

But at my last glance at her peaceful countenance, I knew that nothing's going to change. There was a finality in that look. So I let go. And in my heart, the void of that physical person is once again filled, this time with her spirit and our shared memories, guiding me and accompanying me forever.

Peddler selling her wares

This time round, brother wasn’t around and my parents were busy, so I went to the English tuition centre via public transport, alone. No big deal, it’s not as if I haven’t done that before.

Arriving at Novena, I always had to walk across the underpass to reach the place. As usual, it was fairly noisy, with the countless reverberations bouncing around the 2 walls, the ceiling and ground, which were hardly 3 metres from each other, similar to how we would flank our hands beside our mouths when we shout. A lone basker sat, strumming and singing an oldie that no one seemed to know.

And then at the escalator landing, a middle-aged lady with a crumpler peddling her goods—simple blue pens. “Pen?” she asked as she offered a brand new pen with wrapper attached. I merely walked past, ignoring her existence. Turning back, I noticed many more pens lay on a ledge. Approximately 10, though I didn’t bother to count.

I reached the tuition centre, and forgot about the whole thing. Nothing unusual, nothing notable after all…

2 hours later, I came back from tuition class, walking across the underpass, again.

The same lady offered a brand new pen with wrapper attached. “Pen?” she asked hopefully. This time, I held out my hand in rejection and walked on.

The basker’s taken a break, looking at his scores. This time there wasn’t a crowd, only a few individuals walking, minding their own business. I turned my head, and noticed once more, that the number of pens which lay on a ledge remained approximately 10.

Perhaps she’d sold more than 10 and had replaced the previous batch. Maybe not.

But something urged me to carry on walking. Of course, I still wanted to return and just buy a single brand new blue pen, just to put a smile on her spent countenance.

But I didn’t. I never bought not-entirely-useful trinkets from peddlers such as these. This time was no exception. This time round, I was a bit regretful, yet I was more hardened. On one hand, buying could mean “helping the needy”, on the other hand, it could be encouraging opportunists eager to earn quick bucks.

I just walked on.

this is it--> a new blog :)

I've just created a blog here... Hope that this blog can hone my language skills... Hope that everyone who reads this find this interesting and maybe reflective of my character (I stress on the word "maybe" -I do rave and hurl invectives at people sometimes)... Hope that this blog can be a source of inspiration for my (dormant) creative soul and a source of hope when adversity seems so crushing...

I don't know... but hopefully, this blog will overcome the terrible fates that many other blogs -including many of my previous attempts at blogging- face and last.